Playing The Victim…
It’s 1:00am, and my girlfriend Joy and I, are sitting on the windowsill looking down on to the street. Some guys have been out there yelling and screaming for 15 minutes, going on about how he’s such a victim, how his life has done him so wrong. He is literally having a mental meltdown in the middle of my street, with people shouting out their windows, hoping to shut him up.
As you can imagine, it wasn’t long before the police arrived, after which, there was a whole big power struggle between this hopeless “victim”, and the police. Long story short, the police, who most probably felt like the rest of us and wanted to get this little scene over as fast as possible, let the guy go with only a warning. To show his appreciation, the whining “victim” walked away, still shouting about how shitty his life his, and how unfair everything about his situation is.
As I was sitting on my windowsill, watching this whole scene unfold below me, I was yet again intrigued by this guy’s way of thinking, which is not uncommon within our human race, it in actual fact, is a great example of humanity at its “best”. As humans, we are in general very quick to assume the role of the victim when we find that life throws a curveball or two our way. We are quick to stand with our hands stretched out, demanding the world give to us what we think we are owed. We oh so much enjoy playing the victim that we, in the process of self-pity, miss important life altering opportunities.
Assuming the role of the victim is like wearing a blindfold while going on a treasure hunt, you have a faint idea of which way to go, but because of the blindfold we are wearing, we miss all the important landmarks, which would have led us to the treasure. And then, when we miss our fortune, and our neighbour next door discovers his part of the treasure, we become jealous and yet again start pitying ourselves, returning to vicious cycle of being the victim and losing out on all life’s pleasures.
If we truly want to become great in our own right, we are going to have to get over the victim mentality we so often like to nurture. When you view yourself as victim, you are actually surrendering to your current circumstances, unconsciously prohibiting yourself from doing better, blocking yourself from even trying to attain greater heights within your personal and business life. When we assume the role of the victim, we assume the role of helplessness, rendering yourself powerless, meaning that you will continue on the same depressing path, until some “hero” or “angel” shows up to rescue you from your unfair circumstances. Unfortunately, we live in the real world and no “hero” or “angel” is going to show up to rescue you from your unfair life circumstances, you are going to have to be your own “hero” or “angel”.
Assuming the role of the victim is only a state of mind. You have the power to turn those thoughts around, and in doing so, turning your life around to becoming the happy, successful, and wealthy person that you have always longed to be. Our perception of ourselves, along with the thoughts we entertain about our lives, and ourselves, has an enormous impact on how our lives unfolds. Stop the constant self-pity and victim attitude right this minute, and instead start owning your situation, while opening yourself up to new opportunities and experiences. You have the power to reach greatness, now start using it.
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By Trase, April 16, 2010 @ 5:44 am
“I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”
-Walter Anderson
I have that posted on my monitor. I went through some pretty nasty times in my life, but I’ve tried my damnedest to not be crushed by them. That quote really encapsulates the attitude I try to embody, and I think it is in line with what you are saying here.
I also believe that there is a small percentage of folks out there who get addicted to being a victim – I call it Martyr Syndrome. They actually derive satisfaction from being a perpetual victim, and they have the constant need to be able to point to how they are being persecuted by someone or something. They have allowed it to become a part of their identity, and are so attached to it that they wouldn’t know how to exist without that mentality and label. They enjoy misery so much, they try to spread it to others. These are toxic individuals that are either best avoided, or if that’s impossible, firm boundaries must be set in one’s dealings with them. It’s pathetic, but I’ve seen it in several cases.
You said: “Our perception of ourselves, along with the thoughts we entertain about our lives, and ourselves, has an enormous impact on how our lives unfolds.”
So true, Chris. You’ve always been an insightful guy, and that insight is just growing in depth and scope over time.
By Leila Anasazi, April 16, 2010 @ 7:59 am
Thanks for the reminder that there is a difference between examining our sh*t and wallowing in it.
We live in a time and place where people make fortuens by convincing us to look OUTSIDE ourselves for the answers. “Take this little blue pill and your love life will improve.” And then they provide studies to confirm that we have a problem that their product can solve.
Let’s keep encouraging each other to be brave and rise above chronic BLAME. Once it’s outlived its role in examining the roots of a situation, blame only tears and keeps us all down.
(With all due respect to those of us whose lives genuinely are improved with “little blue pills.”)
By Karolyn McKinley, April 16, 2010 @ 8:06 am
Praise be! Chris. Was just thinking these same thoughts this morning
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